OK, I just can’t resist this one.

Myspace surveys are pretty lame in general, and I vowed to never post a bulletin with a survey in it.
This one, however, I thought was cool for whatever reason. I stole it from Josh “White Shadow” Lewis, whose answers were particularly funny (poignant? I think so). So here we go.

1.You’re infected. Your top 8 has the cure. One must die. Who?
Off to a bad start.

2. If alcohol were banned, what would your reaction be?
The government can’t surprise me with bad decisions anymore.

3.Your CD collection is repossessed. But you may keep one. Which?
Either Led Zeppelin “How The West Was Won,” or Beatles “Revolver.” Clutch decision.

4. Do you believe world peace is possible?
If religion is abolished? Maybe.

5. I’m a genie. Name your wish….
Infinite wishes, stupid genie. Next time make some conditions.

6. Name two things about the opposite sex that automatically turns you off:
Bro-ness and Ho-ness.

7. Name two things about the opposite sex that automatically turns you on.
Babe-ness and Intelligent-ness.

8. Speaking of same sex, what did you think about Brokeback Mountain?
Hellz yeah, I am the Liberal Elite.

9. What are you obsessive about?
Organizing my iTunes.

10. Leather face is in the kitchen. Will you fight to victory, or hide from him?
Leatherface is one word, fuckwad. Even I know that. But fight or flight depends on the weapons on hand. Homeboy obviously rocks a chainsaw, so I’d need some artillery at my disposal, or at least a spear (of course, I’m strapped with a blade). I would at least hold that bitch off until my crew could escape.

11. Do you feel people underestimate you?
If not, then my image needs adjustment.

12. When you’re in a bad mood, what will always put you in a better mood?
Records.

13. Honestly, do you talk about myspace in real life?
Dude, I live in Southern California. What else is there to talk about?

14. Have you ever met anyone off the internet?
This is a poorly structured question, therefore I refuse to answer it.

15. What do you hope to have accomplished by the end of this year?
Not being broke.

16. Do you believe minimum wage should be raised?
I’m a Libertarian Socialist. Guess.

17. If someone at a bar gives you “the look” how do you respond to it?
The look like, “Let’s brawl,” or the look like, “Let’s hook it?” Either way, a blade is drawn.

18. Do you have any really crazy relatives?
I met some haggard relatives at a family reunion, like, forever ago, but nothing too serious.

19. Pretend you’re 15 deep in beers. Describe what you would be doing?
Probably winning a bet for a bunch of dough. And it would have to be a bunch.

20. People get sad. Are you the one they turn to?
With one or 2 exceptions, no.

21. Does everyone in your life know the real you?
I am a figment of my own delusion.

22. What is the most ridiculous fear you have?
Heights and African Death Squad Militias.

23. Do you know anyone in Prison?
In the prison of society, yes.

24. Have you ever logged on in a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush’s name?
Not necessary.

25. When is the last time you ate Peanut butter and jelly?
Sometime within the last month. Creamy+ my beloved raspberry jam= damn goodness.

26. When did you last have a home cooked meal?
Coffee this morning.

27. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
Any time I’m naked is a party.

28. Name someone you miss.
Guess.

29. Are you named after a grandparent?
Nope. A famous and honorable Canadian bull rider.

30. Who would you want to fight?
He who provoketh my ire.

31. Do you throw up gang signs?
The only gang sign necessary is “The Knife.”

32. Have you ever broken a rib?
Ribs of Steel.

33. Would you rather be a girl or a guy?
Penises are super gross, so maybe the optimal choice would be lesbianism. It combines my love for the female form with my general dislike of the male sex organ.

34. What are your plans for tomorrow?
Making the rounds in Paso.

35. Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
If this means “Do You Have A Boyfriend/Girlfriend,” then no, I don’t not have a “Boyfriend/Girlfriend.” I have a girlfriend, however.

36. Are you mad at anyone right now?
The Republican destroyers of reason.

37. What are you wearing right now?
Levis and a t-shirt (incidentally, the same answer as Josh).

39. Would you ever work for the border patrol?
I could undermine the man from the inside, I suppose.

40. Who do you talk to the most everyday?
This total babe I live with.

41.What are you feeling right now?
Slight guilt for how long this shit is taking.

42. What is the biggest age gap you’ve dated?
6 Months. I rob cradles.

43. Do you have a porn collection?
My mind is a glorified porn collection.

44. Have you ever been in an interracial relationship?
Race is irrelevant.

45. Is your birthday on a holiday?
Sean Combs Day.

46. Are you old enough to vote?
I’ve been losing the presidential race for 2 terms.

47. Do you have any friends or family in the War right now?
The War on Drugs, maybe.

48. Are you afrid of hights
See #22.

49. Do you worry about global warming?
See # 8.

50. Do you like polar bears?
See #49.

51. Do you like alligators?
I prefer Crocs (not the shoe).

53. What slang word do you call marijuana?
Chronic The Hedgehog (from Chad, through Justin).

54. Are you an atheist?
I believe in reality.

55. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
I remember in preschool being asked what I wanted to be when I grow up. I said “An astronaut or a beach bum.” So yes, I’m livin’ the dream, brah.

56. Is there a certain someone on your mind right now?
Shane, whom I’m am chatting with on AIM, at the moment.

57. Is life troubling at the moment?
Life is fukkin’ cooooooooosmic, bro. Society is particularly troubling though.

58. Do you have a tan?
See #55.

59. Where were you one hour ago?
Procrastinating.

60. Life… How do you feel about it?
Does not begin with conception.

Man, that shit bored me by the end.

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