Beards aren’t cool*. They haven’t been for quite some time.
They don’t make you “punk” or “indie,” especially if you live in Brooklyn.
See also: short-brimmed hats**.
Oh christ! How could I (almost) forget all-over prints? Horrible.
[*Unless you’re in Grinderman, or you are Zack Galifinakis.]
[**No, they are not called “fedoras” regardless of what you may think. It’s a Trillby, motherfucker! Also, I am assuming you are not brain-dead enough to be wearing a Bowler.]