Blah-ndora Internet Blah-dio

I’ve given Pandora Radio months of chances. I’ve put my faith in the science of music- only to find out there is no such thing. And I’ve been forced to come up with only one conclusion-
dreadfully, Yahoo! Launch Radio is better.
Yuck. I feel like one of those assholes contending that “The Zune really is better than the iPod!” out of a sense of misguided contrarianism.
I don’t even know if the Yahoo (fuck exclamation points) radio thing is even still around. Last I checked it didn’t support Macs OR Firefox, which is beyond retarded, so I’ve boycotted it ever since. But it did (does?) have a few things going for it- actually, one major thing: the intelligent “Don’t Ever Play This Again” button. Say I type in “Nirvana” (because I’m grunge) and it plays Lithium… immediately followed by Pearl Jam or Pudddddle of Mudddd or some other ridiculous shit, I click the button, the software learns I only like Nirvana and not horrible shit, and the world is happy.
But science gets in the way over at Pandora, and unfortunately I’m convinced that science gets in the way of music. Pandora breaks down the songs (as opposed to the artists) into formulas- minor key songs, rock-and-roll instrumentation songs, songs with “excessive vamping” (I didn’t know what that meant either). And then it mathematically combines all these variables, and I get… Radiohead.
All the time, with the boring-ass Radiohead. I would never tell it to seach for Radiohead’s acoustic b-sides and whatever else. The one positive aspect was that I was able to come up with a new term for Thom Yorke- Downs-Elf. It’s pretty self-explanatory, and I apologize to the Downs- community, but it had to be said.
And just because I like Jay-Z DOS NOT MEAN I WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH 2-PAC. Sure, I can say “Don’t play this song for a month” to Pandora, but what about the 5000 other posthumous 2-Pac songs, or the rest of the extensive Downs-Elf catalog? [Note- This just happend as I was typing- I thumbs-downed a Downs-Elf song, and 6 songs later it plays Creep. Arrrgh.]
That’s all I’ve got, but at least I might have managed to offend the Downs-Syndrome Community (sorry), White Kid Wannabe Gangsters (not at all sorry), and people who like “Artistic, Creative, Mindblowing” music (hahahahaa, fucking Radiohead fans are the WORST).
And on a positive note, at least it’s playing Straight Outta Compton at the moment, though I’m sure my joy will be short-lived.

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2 Comments

Filed under Blowing It, Computers are Dumb, Deal With It, Hipsterism, I Am Still Punk, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist

2 responses to “Blah-ndora Internet Blah-dio

  1. onefinemess

    I'm insulted sir, by being grouped in with these things you call "Radiohead fans!"

    I still love Pablohoney & The Bends..love them. Everything after that…meh.

    I like the early EP b-side too :P. Itch & Drill EPs ftw.

    As for Pandora…I've had some luck. I think it really depends on what genre you are digging around in and how picky you are. Things like "Groovy Ghoulies", "Skunk Anansie", "Sun Kil Moon" & "Fine Young Cannibals" have worked out pretty well for me. You can tell each station gets stuck on a block of 30 or so songs though…

    They used to have a 'don't play this again' button…yeah there it is "I don't like this song"/thumbs down. Does that not keep stuff off forever for you?

    That being said… I very rarely bother with net radio. I just use MediaMonkey with the auto-DJ function turned on. It's pretty much always running and I have a SHITLOAD of music…surprises are fun. Unfortunately it's not smart enough to do it by genre or anything (maybe in the regged version?).

    Only times I use Pandora are for stuff I haven't bought yet but still have a craving for.

  2. brian

    The thumbs down doesn't always work- at least, it doesn't get rid of a song/artist for any notable amount of time. I've got like 30 stations, it seems like I should get more variation in my quickmix. I think Radiohead is just the common denominator for all my playlists.
    (aaaaaaand, for the record, Pablo & Bends are pretty great. I just don't like Radiohead fanboys/girls. Apologies for offending your sensibilities.)
    I really only listen to it at work- if I could listen to my home library, there'd be no issue. MediaMonkey program looks pretty cool though- I might just install it in my office.

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