Category Archives: Empty Promises/Threats

Commence Media Empire

http://theunimpressive.tumblr.com/

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Filed under Blowing It, Computers are Dumb, Deal With It, Empty Promises/Threats, Hipsterism

Regarding: Pitchfork Top 500

Make no mistake- I think Pitchfork is the most pretentiously douchey (music) publication that has ever existed. But that doesn’t stop me from hate-reading it daily and, even occasionally agreeing with their opinions. This has been especially true over the last several months- Phoenix, Sunn O))), Dinosaur Jr., Mos Def, Isis, Japandroids, and Bat For Lashes have all received their “Best New Music” certification (admittedly, anyone should think these are excellent records, BECAUSE THEY ARE. So it’s not like I’m applauding Pitchfork’s ability to not avoid the fish filling it’s barrel to the brim). Continue reading

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Filed under Blowing It, Computers are Dumb, Deal With It, Earplugs, Empty Promises/Threats, Hipsterism, I Am Still Punk, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, Lameness, Pontification On Things That Shouldn't Concern Me, Ranting, Waste

A Completely Random Gazpacho Of Ideas Sloshing Around In My Brain

First, let us ponder the following questions:

  • Can you name a Woodstock-era hippie that hasn’t sold out? Of course you cant. Example: Santana DVX Wine.
  • Why do you still hate me, Pandora Internet Radio? I’ve all but given up on you after the 2 Radiohead songs-into-Pink Floyd fiasco the other night. It’s like you’re trying to get me to blog about how much I hate the music you say I should like. I’ve cracked the theory and discovered my problem with Pandora- I’m too informed about music. I know what I like, and what is more, I know what I don’t like. The odds that Pandora is going to introduce me to something new are incredibly slim. Continue reading

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Filed under Bookish, Empty Promises/Threats, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, Photos, Ranting, Vinyl Snobbery, Waste

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

[Or: Brian Steals His Ideas From The Head]

Writer’s block is the proverbial bitch. Let’s jack Travis Keller’s questions for people more notable and talented than I, shall we? I need something to fertilize my creativity.

1. What artist inspired you to create art?
Jimmy Page, Kurt Cobain, Ian MacKaye, Maurice Sendak, Shel Silverstein, Spike Jonze

2. What or who still inspires you to keep on keeping on?
Dawn, family, fucked up music, Anthony Bourdain, Hemingway

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Filed under Blowing It, Computers are Dumb, Deal With It, Empty Promises/Threats, Food, Hipsterism, I Am Still Punk, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, Ranting, Republicans Are Horrible

Hate-Reading Pitchfork

I like doing surveys because I’m not really very creative. So in the spirit of staleness and predictability, I appropriated one from Pitchforkmedia.com, where they ask pretentious and overrated musicians about (mostly music-related) things. Let’s do this!

>> Favorite Songs from the Past Year
Hmmm, off the top of my head:
Batcat– Mogwai
Dig, Lazarus, Dig!– Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Time To Pretend– MGMT
>> Favorite Older Songs at the Moment
Elton John- Rocket Man (I heard it on TV last night, so it’s fresh in my mind.)  
>> Favorite New Band
This question is bad because “new” is so fucking subjective. You’re the worst, Pitchfork.
But in the spirit of playing along, MGMT is probably the newest band in my collection.
>> My Dream Collaboration
To collaborate with me? Anyone, almost.
To collaborate with each other: Josh Homme & Jack White on a Desert Sessions record, Boris and Mastodon on a noise-metal record.
>> Favorite Song Ever
How could someone choose this? Here’s a selection:
Merchandise– Fugazi
A Day In The Life– The Beatles
Teenage Riot– Sonic Youth
Tangerine– Led Zeppelin
Plenty For All– Hot Snakes
>> Best Recent Concert
The last one I went to was one of the best- Mogwai in LA. As of right now, that’s also the nest concert I’m going to.
>> Last Great Film I Saw
Man On Wire
>> Last Great Book I Read
I’m reading Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin. It’s great. 
>> Favorite Piece of Musical Equipment
Mainly the versatility of my Gibson SG, but really any guitar- especially electrics plugged into a shitload of pedals and a fucking loud amp.
>> First Record You Ever Bought
You know, I don’t really remember, and I was trying to figure this out the other day. The earliest one I can remember is buying the Nirvana cds of Nevermind and In Utero from my friend Lawrence for $10. He had decided he liked rap. But that was in like 6th or 7th grade, and there must have been some sooner. The first records I remember getting as a gift were: The La Bamba Sountrack, a Cars tape, and Michael Jackson’s Bad.

>> Favorite Record Shop
Fucking Amoeba Hollywood of course. It’s always crowded, but that’s because it the world’s best record store.

>> Favorite City to Play
Based on my extremely limited touring experience, I’m gonna say San Luis Obispo.
>> My Dream Merch Table
None, like Fugazi.
>> A Popular Artist I’d Like to Fall Into Obscurity
It’s hard to be an “artist” when you are popular, but Diddy or Britney Spears fit, in the absolute loosest definition of the term. As for those who consider themselves “artists,” I have to say Radiohead and Bruce Springsteen (sorry Andy). Oh, and Arcade Fire!
>> Obscure Artist I’d Like to Become More Popular
See above. I don’t really want to live in a world where everyone listens to “obscure” shit, but I think Queens of The Stone Age should be more popular.
>> Strangest Display of Affection from a Fan
n/a, thankfully.
>> Best Purchase of the Past Year
Have to say the Subaru.

>> Best Thing I Did This Year
Engagement.
>> Favorite Venue
The Troubadour.
>> Favorite TV Show at the Moment
Too many. Arrested Development is the all-time best. Others: No Reservations, Lost, Classic Albums. Top Chef has lost much of it’s appeal since Thumb-Head’s win.
>> Favorite Video Game at the Moment
Temporarily gave up Zelda to focus on Wii Sports and Call of Duty: World At War. Now it’s back to Zelda.
>>Favorite Radio Show
The oft-lamented Jonsey’s Jukebox, and the newly reborn Harmony In My Head.

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Filed under Deal With It, Empty Promises/Threats, Gig Time, Hipsterism, I Am Still Punk, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, I Watch Way Too Much Television, Lameness, Ranting, Waste

I know these dudes perhaps a little too well.

So read their blog: The National Hustle.
Hopefully googlers don’t get it confused with the fantastic line dance “The Nashville Hustle-” which was created in the 70’s after George Jones, hard up for bourbon cash, started covering Van McCoy & The Soul City Symphony. The rest, as they say, is history.
As long as Matt continues to “lean” to the “left,” and as long as Camo keeps his writing reminiscent of his storied Crimson Chronicle past, I will keep their blog on my link list.

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Filed under Empty Promises/Threats, Pontification On Things That Shouldn't Concern Me, Republicans Are Horrible

Why The Fuck Has This Not Been ReMastered? Episode One

Sunny Day Real Estate: Diary
For fuck’s sake- this is one of the greatest records of the 90’s, and it sounds terrible. Luckily for all of us, the excellent songcraft shines through the horrible, muddy mix. Jeremy Enigk needs to get over himself, do the respectable thing by making the record sound like it should, and even, as a side benefit, make some fucking cash (everyone knows Nate Mendel had to pay for the first Fire Theft record).
Ratings in it’s present form: Songs: 9.5, Mix: 2.0.
Jeremy/Sub Pop- DO THE RIGHT THING.

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Filed under Empty Promises/Threats, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, Lameness, Vinyl Snobbery, Why The Fuck Has This Not Been ReMastered?