Category Archives: Lameness

The Two Worst Defenses For Liking A Band

Let’s dust off the cobwebs and begin a new year filled with bad attitudes.

1. “You need to see them live!”
Why would I want to see songs I already don’t like live?

2. “They are really nice guys!”
This is what happens when you can’t survive on talent alone. The only exception to this rule is Dave Grohl.

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Filed under Blowing It, Deal With It, Gig Time, Hipsterism, I Am Still Punk, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, Lameness, Ranting, Stupid Lists, Uncategorized

Regarding: Pitchfork Top 500

Make no mistake- I think Pitchfork is the most pretentiously douchey (music) publication that has ever existed. But that doesn’t stop me from hate-reading it daily and, even occasionally agreeing with their opinions. This has been especially true over the last several months- Phoenix, Sunn O))), Dinosaur Jr., Mos Def, Isis, Japandroids, and Bat For Lashes have all received their “Best New Music” certification (admittedly, anyone should think these are excellent records, BECAUSE THEY ARE. So it’s not like I’m applauding Pitchfork’s ability to not avoid the fish filling it’s barrel to the brim). Continue reading

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Filed under Blowing It, Computers are Dumb, Deal With It, Earplugs, Empty Promises/Threats, Hipsterism, I Am Still Punk, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, Lameness, Pontification On Things That Shouldn't Concern Me, Ranting, Waste

Well. God damn.

What a strange few days. I’m not goning to do any eulogizing (except: ilovemichaeljacksonandhewasthereasonifirstbeganlikeingmusicandwherewouldmusicandtheworldbewithouthim andhewasagniusandhegavealotofpeoplehappinesseventhoughheallegedlymadesomepeopleverysad. Ok, done. sorry), but I will say that when I was a little kid I had a red leather jacket with a bunch of zippers on it, and I wanted to be Michael Jackson. AND THAT WASN’T WEIRD AT THE TIME. Ahem.

And Farrah? She really died of anal cancer? Geez. Sorry Farrah.

And Ed McMahon, and Sky Saxon… And Lindsay leaving Videogum? SERIOUSLY GNAR WEEK, BRAHS.

At least we still have Beck though. He’s a little nuts, but listening to his Velvet Underground covers cheered me up.
I mean, how great would it be to roll down to Ocean Way (or Cello, or EastWest, or whatever the hell it is called now), grab some friends, have a hot blonde girl play sitar (I mean… I would teach Dawn to play sitar, duh), and record an entire album of great covers over a couple of days- just for fun?  Live the dream, Beck Hansen, Live The Dream.

And finally, Explosions In The Sky tomorrow- time to get our cinematic-hipster-emo on.

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Filed under Deal With It, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, I Mourn, Lameness

I Am So Bad At Blogging, pt. 2: The Month-Late Photoblog

Staycation, guys! Ugh, that term is about as overused these days as “recessionista,” “tweet,” and “Glen Beck Is A Terrorist.” Okay, not that last one, but I’m trying my hardest. But anyway, D and I were ready for a little work ditching, as I had just finished doing a bunch of rich whiny people’s taxes, and she had been working harder than anyone else in California, as per usual.
So a Friday was picked, work was ditched, and the mythical Catalina Island was the destination. D had never been there, and I went once when I was but a lad. The original plan was to lead off with an old person breakfast at the Carrow’s by our house, but that was of course trumped by laziness. Mastodon’s Leviathan was on the Subaru stereo. After barely (of course) making it to the ferry on time, we were off.

In the harbor, aboard the vessel.
My better half.
See what I mean?
Leaving the harbor.
Officially on the open sea.
Twas rather windy.
Though I was not fazed.
Remember this guy (and the people in front of him) for later.
South tip of the island.
And then it happened. The family in the picture above (in front of grey sweatshirt guy) decided to start throwing up, at the front of the boat- which was going pretty much top speed. You do the math. When my sunglasses started getting splashed, I thought it was the ocean. I was very mistaken. Grey sweatshirt guy, luckily for me (and unluckily for him) took the brunt of it, though my sweatshirt was out of commission for the rest of the trip. His may not have been salvageable. Poor guy. Also- the lady came to apologize to him, and the baby she was holding started throwing up again! I may not know too much about the seafaring life, but I do know you should avoid the highest point on the boat if you tend to get motion sick. 
We did make friends with the other thrown-up-upon people, and they took a picture of us, far away on the back of the boat.
Into Avalon Harbor.
My seafaring lass.
 Casino.
Friendly tourist pic.
We basically just did a bunch of hanging around, eating a bunch of food, and enjoying the weather.
And looking at fish via glass-bottom boat. Tourism!
Yes, that is a submarine.
At the end of the day, we walked down to this beach (it is a protected wildlife area) and just lazed around for a good while.
Rocky, but relaxing.
And Dawn almost fell in.
Back to reality. Or, at least Orange County.
 A patriotic afternoon voyage.
A bunch of dolphins started swimming in the boat wake after I took this picture, naturally.

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Filed under Assorted Creatures, Lameness, Photos, Travels, Weather

Watchmen Was So Unbelieveably Horrible

I’ve never wanted to walk out a movie at so many different points- including within the first 5 minutes. I don’t even want to talk about it, really.

So here are some movies I’d have rather spent my time/money on:
-Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector
-An American Carol
-Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever
-Charlies Angels 2: Full Throttle
-Paul Blart: Mall Cop
-Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li
-Speed/Speed 2 (Double Feature!)
-The DaVinci Code
-Star Wars Episodes 1 through 3
-Dave Matthews Band Live Bootleg Series
-Any Cameron Diaz/Drew Barrymore/Julia Roberts romantic comedy
-Testicles Being Crushed In A Vice: An Exhausitve 13-part Documentary

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Filed under Blowing It, Deal With It, Earplugs, Lameness, Ranting, Waste

Hate-Reading Pitchfork

I like doing surveys because I’m not really very creative. So in the spirit of staleness and predictability, I appropriated one from Pitchforkmedia.com, where they ask pretentious and overrated musicians about (mostly music-related) things. Let’s do this!

>> Favorite Songs from the Past Year
Hmmm, off the top of my head:
Batcat– Mogwai
Dig, Lazarus, Dig!– Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Time To Pretend– MGMT
>> Favorite Older Songs at the Moment
Elton John- Rocket Man (I heard it on TV last night, so it’s fresh in my mind.)  
>> Favorite New Band
This question is bad because “new” is so fucking subjective. You’re the worst, Pitchfork.
But in the spirit of playing along, MGMT is probably the newest band in my collection.
>> My Dream Collaboration
To collaborate with me? Anyone, almost.
To collaborate with each other: Josh Homme & Jack White on a Desert Sessions record, Boris and Mastodon on a noise-metal record.
>> Favorite Song Ever
How could someone choose this? Here’s a selection:
Merchandise– Fugazi
A Day In The Life– The Beatles
Teenage Riot– Sonic Youth
Tangerine– Led Zeppelin
Plenty For All– Hot Snakes
>> Best Recent Concert
The last one I went to was one of the best- Mogwai in LA. As of right now, that’s also the nest concert I’m going to.
>> Last Great Film I Saw
Man On Wire
>> Last Great Book I Read
I’m reading Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin. It’s great. 
>> Favorite Piece of Musical Equipment
Mainly the versatility of my Gibson SG, but really any guitar- especially electrics plugged into a shitload of pedals and a fucking loud amp.
>> First Record You Ever Bought
You know, I don’t really remember, and I was trying to figure this out the other day. The earliest one I can remember is buying the Nirvana cds of Nevermind and In Utero from my friend Lawrence for $10. He had decided he liked rap. But that was in like 6th or 7th grade, and there must have been some sooner. The first records I remember getting as a gift were: The La Bamba Sountrack, a Cars tape, and Michael Jackson’s Bad.

>> Favorite Record Shop
Fucking Amoeba Hollywood of course. It’s always crowded, but that’s because it the world’s best record store.

>> Favorite City to Play
Based on my extremely limited touring experience, I’m gonna say San Luis Obispo.
>> My Dream Merch Table
None, like Fugazi.
>> A Popular Artist I’d Like to Fall Into Obscurity
It’s hard to be an “artist” when you are popular, but Diddy or Britney Spears fit, in the absolute loosest definition of the term. As for those who consider themselves “artists,” I have to say Radiohead and Bruce Springsteen (sorry Andy). Oh, and Arcade Fire!
>> Obscure Artist I’d Like to Become More Popular
See above. I don’t really want to live in a world where everyone listens to “obscure” shit, but I think Queens of The Stone Age should be more popular.
>> Strangest Display of Affection from a Fan
n/a, thankfully.
>> Best Purchase of the Past Year
Have to say the Subaru.

>> Best Thing I Did This Year
Engagement.
>> Favorite Venue
The Troubadour.
>> Favorite TV Show at the Moment
Too many. Arrested Development is the all-time best. Others: No Reservations, Lost, Classic Albums. Top Chef has lost much of it’s appeal since Thumb-Head’s win.
>> Favorite Video Game at the Moment
Temporarily gave up Zelda to focus on Wii Sports and Call of Duty: World At War. Now it’s back to Zelda.
>>Favorite Radio Show
The oft-lamented Jonsey’s Jukebox, and the newly reborn Harmony In My Head.

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Filed under Deal With It, Empty Promises/Threats, Gig Time, Hipsterism, I Am Still Punk, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, I Watch Way Too Much Television, Lameness, Ranting, Waste

Trader Joe’s Soy Orange Creamsicles

Are the fucking best. I suggest you get hip to them ASAP.

Other things I’m digging:
…Trail of Dead: Source Tags & Codes- Still good. Need the new one.
The Juliana Theory: Music From Another Room- San Luis Obispo flashback, and I’m not ashamed.
Spiritualized: Songs in A+E, Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space- Jason Spaceman wins.
Sunn0))) & Boris: Altar- I love the doom.
Counting the number of despondent wealthy people I hear daily convinced that those commies are going to steal their hard earned cash and redistribute it to the unwashed and undeserving- priceless.
Douchechill!

Not Digging:
The Top Chef winner- he doesn’t get mentioned by name. Dear Padma, we’ll forget this ever happened.
Shunning my instruments- not consciously.
Getting tickets for expired registration stickers, then having the parking cop PUT THE ACTUAL TICKET ON TOP OF the temporary registration in the windshield.
Not getting tickets to the Clarity x 10 tour. Blew it.
Blogger’s Block- blowing it.

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Filed under Blowing It, Cars Are A Total Bummer, Deal With It, I Am Still Punk, I call them 'records' and not 'cds' because I'm an elitist, I Watch Way Too Much Television, Lameness, Pigs, Waste